Waxing.

This evening it turns out that my campus (which basically means my town) is on lockdown because of a dangerous situation, and so what was an almost totally silent evening of reading Rita Felski's Uses of Literature and Antonio Damasio's new Self Comes to Mind has suddenly become a strange vigil, a sitting through and with a lot of uncertainty (since we have very few details about what's going on) (update at 12:51 a.m. Friday: here's what's going on).  And the vigil-feeling, in turn, has brought me to what I was already moving toward for this evening, which is a kind of update; I realize that I haven't been this dislocated and nearly completely absent, as a writing presence or, truth be told, as a person, in the entire time I've been keeping the Cabinet. 

Since mid-August, I've been living in a different house than where I was last year (in my excellent friends' house, with the Monster), and I'm caring for a different dog (who genuinely merits the nickname Big Dummy, as witness: on our long walk tonight, which turns out to have been fortuitous, since we can't go outside for awhile now, she was walking along not looking where she was going and ran right into an empty trashcan).  She's a Bernese Mountain Dog and primarily likes to lean on people lovingly, unless they're a very particular kind of male, in which case she likes to bark and play frightened for a few minutes before making friends.  The pace of my life seems only to have skyrocketed since the tenure decision came through, and I still don't quite know everything to do about that (though I am beginning, now, to make my way toward doing something about it). 

Sometimes, especially as of the past two weeks, photographs happen.  Sometimes, especially as of the past week, poems happen.  The dog and I take long walks.  Some of my work does not get done in a timely fashion, but most of it does.  The world keeps on turning.  I have fantasies of carving out enough time to read all the neuroscience and brain + self books I've been amassing this year.  I start to sketch timelines and locale lists for where I'll be during the next two years, and it starts to look pretty good to me.